When I was 14 I was attending a local church, one Sunday morning a friend and I went forward to be saved. I remember going to a room and someone praying, I thought I was saved that day. I was very involed in the church and the youth group. The youth pastor and his wife lived down the road from me so they would pick me and my brother up for church, and they would pick me up for youth group outings and afterwards she would take me home. Then things changed, I started riding in the van to take all the other kids home, and with me living down the street from him, I was always the last one he would take home. He would have to go back to the church to get his car; and this one particular night he raped me on the way home. He threated me so that I would be too scared to tell anyone. He continued to molest me every Sunday night and Wednesday night after church. When I tried to stay home from church my mom would still make me go because she didn’t understand why I didn’t want to go anymore. I was mad at God, I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me if I was saved and God loved me.

So this went on for a while, until we moved to another state when I was 16. By that point I didn’t want to have anything to do with God or church. I got into drugs and alcohol. Once day I was dropped off at my step-dads friends house where I lived with this man. I became his sex slave and soon after, I became his friends sex slave as well. There were many men who raped me every night for two years. I got pregnant twice and was forced to have abortions both times. Then when I was 18 I married the man that I was living with. No it wasn’t out of love that I married him, it was because I thought after all that I had gone through no other man would want me. So I felt like I was stuck with the monster I was with.

I went to church a few times but never felt close to God. I was still holding a lot of anger and hate towards God. I just couldn’t understand why God let things happen to me if He loved me. My marriage was never a great marriage, yes there were great moments but I had a hard time believing my husband, or anyone could love me.

In April of 99 my husband and I move back to Evansville. There was still problems in my marriage that I just didn’t care about fixing. My husand and I started going to church and when the pastor would get up and start preaching, I would always feel uneasy. So I stopped going to church. I still didn’t want to have anything to do with God.

Me and my husband split up in 2005. He filed for divorce, but we got back together two weeks before our divorce was final and we both started going to the church that he was attending.

Then through the teaching and preaching of God’s word I started wondering about my salvation. I tried to think back to the day that I thought I got saved, but I couldn’t see where I truly surrendered my life to Christ. So on Sunday night Dec.16 2012 at my home, I was laying in my bed thinking. I started talking to God and asked Him to come into my heart; I surrendered my life to Christ. Things haven’t been easy since that night, but God is faithful. God has brought me through a lot in the past year and a half. I have faced some really hard things and I have even tried to commit suicide, but it’s only because of God that I’m here today!!

Jennifer W.
Evansville, IN

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